Midwife Continues to Deliver Quality Maternal Care

By Malena Amusa

WeNews correspondent

Internationally renowned midwife Jennie Joseph 

cradles the baby of one of her satisfied patients.

Credit: Jennie Joseph.

When you mention the rising rates of maternal deaths in America to an active doula or midwife, get ready for the unvarnished truth.

“This is a national health crisis that too many people are ignoring,” said Miriam Perez, a New York Based- doula, activist, and founder of the Radical Doula blog.  “Not enough people know that black women are four times more likely to die during pregnancy than white women. Other women of color have higher rates as well.”

Perez thinks it's time to shake things up. “There’s greater attention to the problem of maternal mortality,” she said. “But I don’t know if the solutions are greater. We definitely need new models.”

In 2009, there were 16.1 maternal deaths for every 100,000 live births, according to unpublished data provided by the Health Resources and Services Administration - -that’s up from 12.7 in 2007. At a time when dozens of countries are decreasing their rates, conditions are worsening in America. In New York City where Perez is based, there were 69.3 black maternal deaths per 100,000 live births in 2009, the city’s vital statistics revealed. Although America spends more on health care than any another nation, being black and pregnant in New York City spells greater risks than being pregnant in Costa Rica, Iraq, or Kazakhstan. Nationally black women continue to be at a higher risk of maternal mortality and that’s despite the mother’s income or education-level. 

Perez said the hospital it not always a safe zone for mothers.  Maternity ward doctors may not treat patients in a holistic manner and insurance companies are reluctant to pay for midwives and doulas.

In Winter Garden, Fla., outside Orlando, Jennie Joseph runs a community-based midwifery clinic called the Easy Access Prenatal Care Clinic. A one-day free clinic occurring every week, this service provides a vision of how different things could be.

It caters to low-income women regardless if they can pay or not. The Easy Access clinic is funded by Joseph’s midwife practice The Birth Place -- and takes care of any woman who walks through the door.

“If you’re pregnant we’ll take care of you," said Joseph, a pioneering midwife. "We’ll get you maternal care and educational info, examine your belly and listen to the baby’s  [JJ1] heart beat. If you need a proof of pregnancy or the fax number for a birth certificate – it can be financial, medical, or social, we cover all these angles.”

These components make up “The JJ Way” which in a 2006 study of 100 women in the Easy Access program was correlated to dramatically reduced rates of pre-term births and infant morbidity.  The JJ Way Maternal Child Health Care System is specifically designed to address the perinatal health woes experienced by African American pregnant women and their infants – and has been recognized nationally as a best practice for maternal and child health. In 2010, Joseph opened her own school called the Commonsense Childbirth School of Midwifery in January 2010. The following year, Joseph’s work was featured in super model’s Christy Turlington Burns’ documentary “No Woman, No Cry,” which examined global pregnancy issues and aired on the The Oprah Winfrey Network.

“One woman came in for her first visit and her blood pressure was 210 over 110," Joseph said, explaining one patient’s struggle. "She was 21, already had two children, and was pregnant.

“That same morning we referred her to the hospital, which gave her medicine and sent her home. She had no insurance. So when she went for a follow-up visit and her blood pressure was still high, the hospital told her to see her Ob-Gyn tomorrow, but she didn’t have an Ob-Gyn because she had no Medicaid. With no one to fill that gap, she came back to me because she could. With our lab work and records, we were able to send her to a perinatologist who accepted her without insurance. Later, her Medicaid kicked in, and her blood pressure went down after getting the right kind of medicine.”

The opportunity for this highly-accessible, resources-driven, and midwife-assisted care to help women is tremendous.  Women who participated in Joseph’s internal study tracking infant outcomes lauded the clinic’s for being “really nice and personable”, “very informative” and helping women “make your own experiences.” “[I] wish there were 100 Jennie’s”, one mother reported. 

It’s not certain if this level of care will be replicated in hospitals and clinics across America, but as time goes on, it’s evident that The JJ Way is needed for mothers and their babies.

“Our health care is so compartmentalized,” Perez said. “You go to this provider for this problem and another for that problem. Providers don't have the time and framework to treat patients in a holistic manner. But you really need a provider who can see the big picture of your life. And that’s where midwifery comes in. It brings the holistic perspective to your care and is patient- centered. The patient’s needs and community are the center of it.”

Malena Amusa is a freelance reporter based in St. Louis.


To see the Malena Amusa's full story go to:  http://womensenews.org/story/reproductive-health/120729/us-health-law-may-curb-rising-maternal-deaths

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 [JJ1]…and here, may ‘listen to the baby’s….’ or ‘hear the baby’s heart beat’

When It Comes to Your Health, Your Zip Code Matters More Than Your Genetic Code

Today is the one year anniversary of the passage of the Affordable Care Act and guess what? According to a recent survey, over one half of Americans don't think health reform is actually a law.

It is folks.

I'm marking the one year anniversary by attending the National Association of Black Journalists Media Institute on Health, Health Policy and Health Disparities in Washington, DC.

I heard two very profound statements today that tell the story about rampant health disparities impacting communities of color. Those two statements were not long prognostications about the social determinants of health or the root causes of these racial and ethnic inequities.

The comments indeed were about those things, but they were short enough for Twitter but utterly profound in answering those questions.

Comment #1: "Your zip code may be more important than your genetic code when it comes to health disparities."

Comment # 2: "We have a sick system not a healthcare system."

Comment 1 struck me because it alarms me that where you live is one of the key drivers of your health. According to the World Health Organization, Report on the Social Determinants of Health, avoidable health inequities arise because of the circumstances in which people grow, live, work and age and the systems put in place to deal with illness. In turn, the conditions in which people live and die are, in turn, shaped by political, social and economic forces.

That's why I was really impressed with a new initiative by The Joint Center for Political and Economic Studies, called Place Matters, which seeks to address conditions in the natural environment, built environment and social environment that lead to poor health. The goal is to eliminate health disparities by identifying the complex underlying causes and defining strategies to address them.

I am convinced these issues play a significant role in maternal and child health.

Comment # 2 was just too simplistically truthful to ignore. Healthcare is a misnomer for our system. It takes care of your sickness but does little to protect your health. In fact, today I learned that for every $1 spent on healthcare only 5 cents goes to prevention.

This is pathetic because so many mothers wouldn't needlessly die if there were more prevention programs and community-level interventions.

FDA Formula Probe Is Good News for Mothers, Babies

The FDA announced last week that it is planning to look into the health claims of infant formulas. I couldn't be happier. One of the biggest or should I latest of the formula industry's misleading claims is for omega-3 fatty acids--DHA, in particular, which misleads mothers into thinking formula is just as good as breast milk.

Specifically, the FDA says it wants to: "assess women's understanding of and response to various statements on infant formula labels. The study results will be used to help the agency to understand the role that certain types of statements on infant formula labels have in influencing formula choice…The study will focus on purchase choice, perceived similarity of the formula to breast milk and perceived likelihood that the formula has certain health benefits."

This is great news. For years, the infant formula companies have successfully marketed their formulas as just as good as breast milk without any such evidence. This marketing has been particularly aggressive in the black community. In a recent interview, a lactation consultant told me of a mom was asking for "the formula with breast milk in it." Wow!

No such thing actually exists, but it highlights the dangerously successful marketing by deep pocketed formula companies that leave moms confused and about what formula is and isn't.

Having been an intrepid business reporter for many years and a former senior writer at Fortune magazine, I can certainly understand the business dilemma of the formula makers: There is no money to be made from breastfeeding. Plain and simple.

When your number one competition is free, and you can't compete on price, you have to be creative. Really creative. And even misleading.

Meanwhile, market competition pushes formula companies to improve their product by adding so-called nutrients--especially the ones that can be considered "conditional" by the FDA. A conditional nutrient is one that might have some benefits under some circumstances. Even if the health benefits are minimal or questionable, they can still be used in advertising.

As a result many formulas have added fatty acids such as omega 6 arachidonic acid (ARA) and omega-3 docosahexaenoic acid--the same ones that are in fish oil. These two fatty acids are naturally present in breast milk and are reported to help infant brain development and vision.

But here's what happened behind the scenes: Formula makers were able to get the FDA to agree that ARA and DHA are normal components of food (which is true) and, therefore, are Generally Recognized As Safe (GRAS). They were then free to add ARA and DHA to infant formulas without having to prove that either of them really did anything useful or beneficial. But the mere mention of such additives, gave them breast milk cred. Even worse, instead of marketing formula as a safe alternative if you can't breastfeed, they tried to make it appear just as good as breastfeeding for all mothers.

I mean, why bother to breastfeed if I can give them the same nutrients from formula, a mother could reason. The problem is, you can't.

And it's high time the government stopped allowed deceptive marketing of formula at the cost of infant and maternal health.

If you agree, please join me in letting the FDA know that this study is welcome and long overdue.

You can also file comments at http://www.regulations.gov. Refer to Docket No. FDA–2011–N–0098

Gratitude: Yes, We Are Still Breastfeeding

(WOMENSNEWS)

Let's start by putting the pertinent details right out there on the table: I'm Black. I'm the mother of a nearly 2-year old daughter. And yes, we are still breastfeeding.

To me, there's nothing particularly radical about what I've just told you about myself. Motherhood and nursing are mine by choice; my skin color and curly hair are factors over which I had no more control than any other person born into this world. But sadly enough, the convergence of these three aspects of my identity – my blackness, my role as a mother, and my decision to nurse, especially into the toddler years – makes me a rather unconventional bird, indeed.

If you've paid any attention to the data on rates of breastfeeding among Black women, you'll understand what I mean. While women overall are now initiating breastfeeding at a rate of 75 percent, Black women trail the pack, initiating breastfeeding in just 54 percent of births. Look beyond the initiation phase (i.e. those first hours and days after birth when most of us would try anything), and the news gets even worse for Black babies. Though the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends "exclusive breastfeeding to age 6 months and continued breastfeeding for at least the first year of life," by the time our children reach 12 months of age, only 11.7 percent of them are still being breastfed, as compared to 24 percent of Hispanic babies and 21 percent of white babies.

(And at two years? I couldn't even find data for that. But if my personal experience is any evidence, let's just say we're a teeny, tiny drop in a bucket that's far too small overall.)

Statistics like those drive me beyond mad – both because I'm saddened to think about how many Black babies are missing out on the kind of nutrition baby docs have acknowledged is ideal, and because I'm sick to death of seeing poll after poll highlighting just how far behind the Black community lags, in a host of important categories (don't even get me started on the achievement gap).

But I have to be honest: frustrating and scary as those numbers are, they aren't what got me breastfeeding in the first place, or what have kept me at it for so long. The factors driving those truths are far more personal, as I'm sure they are for every mother out there, whether they choose to breastfeed or not.

My family's history with breastfeeding has already been beautifully documented in a Women's eNews video by Malena Amusa, so I won't go into deep detail about why I, like a minority of other Black women, did in fact chose to breastfeed.

The short version is that I knew many women who did breastfeed, had done my research on the topic, and decided that it made sense to me to at least give it a try and see how things went.

Luckily for me, things went beautifully: my newborn daughter turned out to know much more about breastfeeding than I did; she latched on right after her birth, and never looked back. I'd like to stress again here that I consider this pure luck – there's nothing I did or didn't do to wind up with a baby who breastfed well, right from the beginning, and I'm very clear about the fact that things could have gone just the opposite way.

I'm isolating this luck factor because I think it has everything to do with why, nearly two years later, my daughter and I are still enjoying a healthy, happy nursing relationship. Nursing was never, ever a source of stress for us. If it had been, I think it's quite likely that we would have weaned far earlier than now.

The other piece of luck that went into this particular equation was the fact that I was able to decide, not long after my daughter was born, that I no longer wanted to work full time outside of my home. Making that decision wasn't easy, but my particular profession gives me the latitude to work more or less from anywhere.

From a nursing perspective, this was an absolutely key choice. I was never a big fan of pumping, and I am almost 100 percent certain that if I had had to pump at work on a daily basis, I would have struggled to breastfeed even for a year. The luxury (and it is nothing short of that in this country, sadly enough) of being able to work from home has meant that I can largely nurse on demand. It has made nursing easy, and, again, mostly stress free. It's become a natural and soothing (for both of us) part of our daily routine, and therefore a practice it's been easy to continue as my daughter has grown from infant to toddler.

My point in sharing all of this is not, I promise, to ask you to bask with me in the rosy haze of self-satisfaction that can become the norm among some breastfeeding advocates.

I share my story with you precisely because the circumstances that have made my breastfeeding experience possible are so exceptional and rare. Some of our success, as I've said, had to do with the luck of the baby draw, and the fact that I didn't struggle with milk production. But our ability to succeed long term also had everything to do with the early and continuing support I received from my community (the women around me who were also breastfeeding, my doctors, my partner, my mother and on), and with the good fortune of being able to make choices about my work life that, coincidentally, made breastfeeding easier. Those are luxuries that few women in America have – and among Black women, the number is once again smaller still.

In a better version of America, all women would have the opportunity to make choices for themselves and their families that feel right to them -- as my choices have felt right to me. If we lived in a nation that truly valued the health and well being of women and children – where extended and paid parental leave was the norm; where all hospitals promoted breastfeeding, and provided women with the support they need to continue breastfeeding once they are on their own – then breastfeeding for a year and beyond might not have to depend so much on the existence of "exceptional" and "rare" circumstances that made it possible in my own case.

That, to me, is something to aim for.

How long will I continue to breastfeed my daughter? I've got no more definitive answer to that now than I did back when breastfeeding was a concept, not a practice. All I can say is that I believe, wholeheartedly, that my daughter and I will come to an understanding about when it's time to stop, when it feels right and good for both of us. At the moment, that time is not here – and that's perfectly fine with me. But when that day comes, that will be just fine, too. Fortunately, we get to figure it out as we go along. Every mother and baby should be so lucky.

Elizabeth G. Hines, a New York-based writer, is co-author of the award-winning bestseller Black Titan: A.G. Gaston and the Making of a Black American Millionaire

Demanding More For The Future Black History Makers And The Mothers Who Birth Them

As Black History Month comes to a close I've been reflecting on the history of black women as mothers. Thinking about our legacy as the women who tirelessly carried our families and communities. Mothers who didn't listen when the world said we were thoughtless breeders and our children were mere commodities to be bought or sold. In more recent history, black mothers have been publicly shamed as crack mothers, welfare queens and the face of "baby mama drama." Black single motherhood is blamed for all sorts of social ills from crime to drugs to "wilding" teens. And black mothers are often represented in popular culture as neck-rolling domineering household managers who run circles around our men.

Let's face it. The historical misperception of who we are has not been very flattering.

But I'm asking you to stay true to what you know: These stereotypes are very far from the truth. In truth, black women today have redefined black history and created a new conversation about our roles as mothers. For example, when I watched the Brady Bunch and Happy Days and reruns of Leave It To Beaver, the subtle messaging was that being a stay at home mom and catering to your child's every need was a white woman's pleasure. Black women have always worked--as slaves, as cleaners, as teachers, as doctors, as lawyers. Even our TV mamas (Claire Huxtable included) always worked outside the home.

Today more and more black women are stay at home or work at home moms (myself included), we have robust national organizations like Mocha Moms http://mochamoms.org/ to support women who are making motherhood their career (even if just for a few years or so).

We have a First Lady who epitomizes everything modern black motherhood is about, career success, loving partnership and commitment to being the mom-in-chief of your own family command center.

This shift in our motherhood experience may seem subtle, but in the framework of our history, it is groundbreaking. And thrilling. It not only speaks to how far we have come as a people, but how far we have come as black mothers, who went from having no control over our children to taking control of our children, our lives, and our families' financial future. We now have varied and different motherhood experiences yet we still know we are doing important work that goes well beyond our home.

Yet, there is much work to do. We still need to increase our breastfeeding rates, to give our babies the healthiest start in life and improve our own health as mothers. We need to demand answers to why our maternal death rate is double and is some urban cities seven-times that of our white peers, and start questioning the quality of care we receive.

As we celebrate our history as black Americans, we must protect the next generation of black history-makers currently growing in wombs across the nation. And we must demand better care for the mothers who bring them into the world.

Is Black History Month Doing Us Any Good?

Three weeks ago, I started a discussion on my website, Mochamanual.com concerning whether or not Black History Month was still relevant or even necessary today.

I was starting to wonder myself.

The responses from our mocha (Manual) moms were eye opening. Several moms stated it's not about "them" (the white majority) learning our history, but more about "us" teaching our children our own history. And that as black mothers, we cannot properly prepare our children for the future if they don't know their past.

Also, Black History Month gives us a chance to correct the record books and to reflect: Where are we now? Can we do better? they said. And many commenters also feared that, with a black president, we could easily become complacent about how much further we have to go.

All good stuff.

One week later, I continued this lively dialogue over on Baby Center's blog, Momformation.com, hoping to share this message with a more mainstream audience. Imagine my surprise when things took a shockingly heated and disastrous turn for the worse. Some responses erred on the side of ignorance, while others were just blatantly racist. Some of the many contributors' comments included the following:

"I Don't Think We Need It At All… We Have A Black President What More Do You People Need????….. And The Slavery And Black People Issues Are Gone. So NO I Don't Think We Need A "Black History Month!"

"I think honestly black people are the ones that separate themselves. I'm not trying to be rude, but most "white" people see black and white people as the same, but black people still think that "white" people see them as maybe inferior or as "them and us," so please get over it, we are all the same."

"It seems however that black people don't really want what they are preaching; equality. They still want the segregation and to remind white people of how the past was. Your use of "us" and "them" is why "your" race is holding themselves back. I think the better lesson for all would be: Who really has the problem with racism? … As a white woman, I am saddened that people are still making this a huge issue. It happened, it is over, move on. Make the world better. If the focus and energy used on "race" was applied elsewhere, this world would be amazing!"

"It's separatist and serves to create an "us vs. them" atmosphere. If we truly want color to be a "non-issue" why have a BLACK history month? Is there an Asian history month (May)? A WHITE history month (uh, no)? A Native American history month (November)? That get the PR of black history month? Nope."

Besides for the fact that I always have to SMH whenever anyone says black people should "get over" slavery, I find it particularly sad that many people don't understand the legacy of slavery. (They also seem to forget that 246 years of slavery was followed by roughly 100 years of Jim Crow laws that lasted until 1965).

They don't see how race plays into everything, and I do mean everything from politics to education to health care reform to birth outcomes to cancer survival to maternal mortality rates. All of it has racial undertones. And sometimes overtones. (It's a word to me, :-))

They don't see the health disparities, wealth gap, employment gap or education gap as a byproduct of the systemic racism that still exists in this country.

They don't see it because they don't live it. Or live near it. In fact, they probably only drive past it. And very quickly with the doors locked.

What really saddens me is that this audience is moms. Parents. People responsible for shepherding young lives into the world--filling their brains and shaping their values. People whose children will be sitting in class next to my beautifully brown son and daughter.

Even more frightening, these people are policemen, teachers and, God help us, doctors and nurses, charged with our care. And our babies care.

Houston, we have a problem.

And the problem is a subtle bias lingering in the minds of many Americans.

And I'm just not sure if a million Black History Month's can ever fix that.

What do you think?

Will Health Care Reform Help the Racial Legacy of Health Disparities? Or Will Race Matters Get In The Way?

With people of color representing 50 percent of the uninsured in America, the new Affordable Health Care Act stands to represent the biggest social movement to impact our communities since civil rights.

But will it solve the health disparity issues that continue to plagues African Americans?

Recently, I attended the Families USA conference in Washington, D.C., where among other distinguished speakers, the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, spoke live addressing the conference attendees.

The president eloquently spoke of the benefits of the act, which has already dismantled that pesky "pre-existing condition" clause, which forced millions of Americans to be uninsurable by deep-pocketed insurance companies and caused thousands of others to die because of it. He was candid about the flaws in the law and reiterated his willingness to make changes in some areas.

As a self-employed mother of two who has struggled with my own health insurance issues, I listened intently to the debate that preceded the current law. And the still unfolding drama since it became law---and I just couldn't figure out why there was so much vehement dialogue against health care reform.

Was it really debatable that our system needed a major overhaul?

Having lived in London, England, and having experienced their medical care for myself and my children, I couldn't really understand what was the real problem with a universal health care system. Or with creating more options and lower costs. Not the political excuses and grandstanding, but the real issues. Especially since most of the most vocal objectors have some of the best health coverage this country has to offer. Lucky them.

The answer came to me at the conference in a dynamic panel discussion led by an extremely passionate woman--Gail Christopher, vice president for health at the W.K. Kellogg Foundation. (Full disclosure: The Black Maternal Health Project is funded by the Kellogg Foundation)

After sharing her personal story of arriving at a hospital to deliver a baby only to be left in the corner because someone just assumed she was a black woman on Medicaid, she said something so simple, yet true: "Where you stand is often based on where you sit."

It took all my strength not to jump out of my seat with an uncharacteristic, "You said it, sister!!"

I clapped instead.

But where most detractors "sit" is at the table of the haves with little concern for the have-nots and a lot of selective amnesia.

They've forgotten that this country got its haves by raping, killing and stealing from the people of color they found when they got here. They forget that their history of racism and segregation, left blacks concentrated in communities with severe health risks and without access to any remedies. They choose to ignore the cumulative impact of this racial legacy and the scores of women and vulnerable children it disproportionately impacts.

They forget about environmental racism, doctor deserts, food deserts and other gaping holes that have created and maintained a systemic inequity in access to health care.

An inequity and legacy that plays out every day in high maternal mortality and infant mortality rates and poor birth outcomes in black women across all socioeconomic levels, among others.

And multiple studies have already proven that people of color receive inferior care regardless of their insurance status or socioeconomic status. (I was happy to learn that the health care law has over 75 provisions to address equity issues, including more community based health care services.)

This is an important step in the right direction.

And so, unfortunately, like so many other issues in this country, it really comes down to race. Racial tensions in this country are getting worse, not better.

Everybody knows the true wealth of a nation is the health of its people. Yet, in this country any concept of a publicly supported health care system has a stigma of helping poor people. And by poor, they think lazy. So what if your children suffer? This stigma needs to be removed.

Politicians have pulled off a near-Reagan like maneuver duping Americans into believing who really benefits from the new health care act.

Every one benefits.

But the same patriotic, Federalist Papers-reading countrymen who "want their country back" should take a fast forward real look at the country they hold so dear. By 2042 it is estimated that one in four people will be a person of color. You can take the health care reform issue to the Supreme Court if you'd like, masking your political agenda in a baseless legal challenge. But we're all in this together, with our futures inextricably linked. And we are a constituency not to be ignored.

Because unfortunately for you, my memory is not like your memory.

Joan Rivers' "Blackie O" Comment Is An Insult to All Black Women and Mothers

I was really saddened and quite frankly, upset, to hear Joan Rivers share recently on national radio that her pet name for the First Lady is "Blackie O." Now, I often find Ms. Rivers hilarious as she pans celebrities on the red carpet and when trying to move her face despite way too many plastic surgeries. But this one, just wasn't funny.

Why not Chelly O? Or Mrs. O since her last name already starts with the letter? But to take it to race was just unnecessary, and highlights a few key points that have been bothering me of late.

For one, there is an unsettling undercurrent of disrespect toward our first family that always comes back to race that has never been experienced before. For eight years we had a president who couldn't find his way to a coherent sentence with a flashlight and a map, but the insults never equated his stupidity with race. I would have preferred if Ms. Rivers talked about Mrs. Obama's outfits.

And for the uninformed the world "blackie" has an extremely negative and racist connotation. It was used to denigrate, dehumanize and liken people of African descent to monkeys. Monkeys. Blackies. Get it? Still not funny, right?

I didn't think so either.

I'm happy to chalk it up to Joan's ignorance. I can only imagine what all that pulling and tugging has done to her brain capacity. But I think it continues a pervasive negative tone of disrespect for African Americans, and specifically black women. Here we have a Princeton University and Harvard Law School educated woman, who has worked at top law firms, selflessly served her community, a committed mother, and is serving as First Lady of the most powerful country in the world with more grace, poise, and dare I say fashion flair, than the White House has seen in decades, and even SHE gets thrown racial epithets?

What hope is there for me and my daughter? And the millions of the other black mothers raising their daughters and sons to be their best and serve their communities? Is that what we can expect, that even in the face of extraordinary accomplishments, to still be viewed as "blackies?"

This is not a laughing matter. In fact, it gives me goose bumps, and not the good ones. It's just another example of the kind of stresses black mothers face, and it upsets me that Michelle Obama's mother is feeling it, even as she sleeps in the White House.

Oh and memo to Joan Rivers: I know you are trying to keep your career afloat, sign new reality show deals and hold on to your relevance and youth, but America is trying to move past its racist history. We have much at stake in addressing this type of thinking and the many ways it plays out in our health and in our lives. And by referencing it, and then acting surprised that African Americans would be offended by it, you are showing yourself to be the one thing you strive so hard not to be: Old.

Am I Doing Good Enough As a Single Mom?

Sometimes, I really think I have this single mom thing under control. Not perfect. But nicely managed. I feel confident that my children are adjusting and that our routines matter. But the other week a troubling thing happened.

While eating a very lovely dinner of roast chicken (stuffed with rosemary,sage and thyme) and macaroni and cheese, my children and I found a wishbone. They decided to make a wish.

Of all the things that could be running through a child's mind to wish for, my 6-year old son whispered this, "I wish my parents would get back together."

I was somewhat shocked and a little sad.

My husband left July 2006 and since then I've worked tirelessly to keep a stable home environment for them. I left my demanding and lucrative career to work for myself and be more present for them. I am there at nearly every drop off and pick up, every school performance and book fair, we have family dinners every night, fun weekend activities and I have worked every day to maintain a good co-parenting relationship with the "wasband" for the good of the children. I tell them that we are still a family, just a different kind of family and I make sure they include their Dad in their nightly prayers. But I've also tried to make it abundantly clear to them that their father and I are happier apart and this is how things will be.

So, where have I gone wrong? Should I take it personally that my children are still holding on to a dream that will never (and I do mean never) happen? Or is this what children do for years and years after divorce? Will they ever get it and be okay?

My parents have been married 51 years and I feel blessed that I don't know what my children are experiencing. But that also leaves me clueless as to what is "normal" for this situation and what is not. You can only read but so many books.

As mothers, we want to make our children are emotionally well-rounded, stable and sure in their sense of self. As black mothers, we know the latter is most important because the world will try to tell them who they are. It is our job to make sure they know the truth. And much of that, in my opinion, begins at home, with a strong family. Regardless of what your "family" looks like.

I thought, well hoped, that my efforts would make my children feel normal. Complete. That they would accept their new reality and be ok with it. I thought that they were happy and settled in their new life but as it turns out, they are still yearning for their old one. And I'm concerned.

Am I doing something wrong? Or are they exactly where they are meant to be?

Battling the Bulge from Birth

This is the time of year when everyone is thinking about eating lots of good food with family. Then in a few weeks, we will all make new and not-to-be kept resolutions about losing the weight gained by eating those same meals and many others throughout the past year.

But to really battle the bulge, not just for ourselves but for our children, we have to start early, avoid empty promises and face the facts.

Now, for the most part we black women love our curves and really have no use for the latest crash diets. The way we walk, talk, and dress says "I am bold and beautiful, love it or leave it!" But at as fabulous as we think we are, obesity is still a prominent issue in the black community.

I have heard every excuse from "My family is big- boned" to "queen- sized" and my favorite "That just means there's more of me to love!" And, while these statements and mantras seem to scream I am confident and love my body, we need to address why statistics show that six out of every ten African American women are overweight and four out of every ten is morbidly obese. There is a huge difference between having a little belly or being a little hippy and packing on 30 to 100 extra pounds or more. 50 percent of African-American women are obese compared to only 40 percent of Mexican-American women and only 30 percent of White women.

While we already know that the high rates of obesity in our community is linked to the prevalence of diseases such as heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, arthritis and cancer. We don't see too many people addressing prevention strategies for all of these diseases that start at birth. If we really want to curb the obesity epidemic in our community we have to start well before childhood. We can start as soon as the baby is born.

Breast-feeding helps us lose the weight we gained during pregnancy and has many other health benefits for us too.

Breastfeeding is proven to reduce your baby's chance of being obese. The breastfeeding-obesity link is now recognized by key government agencies and professional groups, Including the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the American Academy of Pediatrics. Experts at the CDC in Atlanta estimate that 15 percent to 20 percent of obesity could be prevented through breastfeeding. Here are some of the reasons why:

• Breastfed infants may be better at self-regulating their intake. Mothers cannot see how much milk their child is drinking, so they must rely on their infant's behavior, not an empty bottle, to signal when their infant is full. Thus, breastfed babies might be better able to eat only as much as they need.
  
  
• Breastfed infants are more likely than formula-fed infants to try and accept new foods. Acceptance of new foods is important because a healthy diet should include a wide variety of foods, especially fruits and vegetables. Because breast milk contains flavors from foods eaten by mothers, breastfed infants are exposed to a variety of tastes early in life. In contrast, artificial baby milk (formula) always tastes the same.
  
  
• Breastfeeding has different effects than formula feeding on infant's metabolism and hormones such as insulin, which tells the body to store fat. Formula-fed infants tend to be fatter than breastfed infants at 12 months of age.
  
  
• For us to make a real impact on obesity in our community, we have to start at birth. It's really that simple. Resolving to breastfeed more and support any breastfeeding mother you know, is a real resolution for change.

Want Happy Holidays? Avoid the Holiday Spending Hangover

It always strikes me how the holidays are supposed to be so merry, but they seem to always end up being so stressful. Moms and dads want to create the "perfect" Christmas, everyone is trying out out-do the other and the whole thing turns into a mess. A lot of the holiday stress is around money, or the lack thereof. And the holidays are often the time when many families take on more credit card debt, blow their budget and avoid paying bills just to find money to buy presents. And in these tough times, overspending can be more dangerous than ever before. It has been estimated that one out of every three African American families is at the risk of falling out of the middle class due to job loss, overspending, unexpected financial crises or other issues.

Even though our spending power exceeds $920 billion the average net wealth of black families is merely $15,000. In fact, Black people disproportionately represent a major portion of Americans in debt:

• Right out the gate more Black college grads are left with more debt than white students, and the average American takes about 10 years just to pay off their student loans.

• Over 90% of African-American families earning between $10,000 and $24,999 are in credit card debt.

• 26% of Americans said that they do not pay all of their bills on time. Among African-Americans, this number is 51%.

This year, I'm imploring all families to be mindful of their budget. Avoid taking on undue stress by digging yourself deeper into debt, and strongly consider going back to basics and remembering the true spirit of the holidays. Family. Togetherness. As moms we play a critical role in setting the tone for the holidays and we also bear the brunt of cleaning up any financial messes we create. As part of my personal gift to you, I also found these great tips that I wanted to share with all women and heads of households, so that you can have a merry holiday without the holiday hangover. That never feels good.

1. Minimize all gifting and expenditures to your immediate family (You and your Kids, and husband/significant other)

2. Make a list of your income and all of your expenses.

3. After you have a very clear picture of where your money has to go you can see where you have room to wiggle room! Give yourself a very specific credit card budget and don't go beyond that.

4. Instead of buying 3 or 4 expensive gifts buy more inexpensive gifts.

5. Start early and use layaway programs for your must-have items.

6. Make this holiday season about family bonding. Check your local papers and websites for free events that will be great for you and your family.

Let's make smart decisions to close out this year that won't leave us stressed out next year.

Formula Fed? Not For My Baby: One Mom's Story

According to my Random House dictionary, definition No. 6 for the word "formula" is a mixture of milk and other ingredients for feeding a baby. I can deal with the milk; it's the other ingredients that concern me. The word "formula" immediately makes me think of mad scientists hovering over test tubes in a laboratory. It also makes me think of experimenting and trial and error. Why "formulate" something to feed your baby when God has equipped most women's bodies to produce milk after they give birth. Breast milk has exactly the right amount of fat, sugar, water, and protein that a baby needs.

I once heard that humans are the only mammals that intentionally feed their young something other than their own milk. That, among many other factors, helped me decide not to give my baby formula. When breastfeeding is an option, I think Black mothers owe it to themselves and their babies to breastfeed for as long as possible. Other than women with illnesses that prevent them from breastfeeding, new moms should at least make an attempt to give their babies the considerable health advantages that breast milk has been proven to provide.

Extended breastfeeding has been credited with protecting babies from various illnesses. It is said to increase a child's intelligence and it may also help to prevent obesity. Breastfeeding may offer protection from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Some research has even linked the failure to breastfeed to intestinal issues experienced later in life. Breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months seems to offer babies significant health protection.

Moms benefit just as much from extended breastfeeding as their babies do. Breastfeeding moms are often free of a menstrual cycle for a longer period of time after giving birth. Breast, uterine, ovarian, and endometrial cancer risks are lower in women that practice extended breastfeeding. Diabetes is a disease that is prominent in the Black community. According to some studies, breastfeeding may lower insulin needs in diabetic women (http://breastfeeding.about.com/od/problemssolutions/a/diabetes.htm). Weight loss is another incentive for extended breastfeeding. In my case, about three months into breastfeeding I weighed less than I weighed prior to my pregnancy.

Along with the health benefits, extended breastfeeding provides an opportunity to bond with your baby in a way that no one else can. I can't put into words the joy I felt cradling my baby knowing that I was created by God to be able to nourish her. Mothers and babies are physically connected for 40 weeks during the baby's development. For breastfeeding mothers and babies extended nursing is a continued physical, emotional, and spiritual link.


Tangela Walker-Craft is the creator of Go Pillow! a patented, multipurpose childcare item that allows moms hands-free breastfeeding with comfort and president of Simply Necessary Inc. After nursing her own daughter for two years, Walker-Craft, realized that there was not a product on the market that allowed mothers to have nursing privacy and cradling comfort when others were present. Existing nursing pillows were too bulky and cumbersome for travel and cover-ups on the market required too much manipulation. The GoPillow! satisfies the needs of both breast feeding and bottle feeding mothers and caregivers. Learn more at http://www.simplynecessary.com/

New study: 400,000 infants born to depressed mothers. What can we do?

Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time. Those glossy pregnancy magazines would make you think every pregnant woman is running through green meadows with unmitigated joy.

But we all know the real deal. Broken relationships, economic hardships, thwarted life plans or just bad timing can create so much anxiety during pregnancy and can crowd out any joy you may want to feel. We'd like to think this sadder side of pregnancy is the exception to most experiences, but a new study says otherwise.

A recent report by American Academy of Pediatrics says every year, more than 400,000 infants are born to mothers who are depressed, which makes perinatal depression the most under-diagnosed obstetric complication in America.

That's big news.

With so many babies being born to depressed mothers, what does that mean for the level of early bonding and care that they receive? When you're depressed you are probably less likely to breastfeed, especially when it can be very physically and emotionally demanding in the early days and months. And what about the moms? How healthy are their eating habits, also linked to their likelihood to breastfeed, if they are depressed?

The point is, sad moms are even sadder news for babies.

What can be done? For one, there needs to be a broader dialogue about depression during pregnancy and post partum. It would be great if we didn't only portray one pregnancy experience as the "right" pregnancy experience, doing so keeps moms in the closet about their real feelings and prevents them from getting the help they need.

In our community, we need to do more talking. Black people are socialized not to air dirty laundry, so to speak, so we are often reluctant to share our problems, particularly with strangers. But talk to your doctor, a friend or trusted relative. If this is difficult, call an anonymous hotline, if you must. Just don't try to face depression alone.

If you're depressed, take off the strong black woman superhero outfit and pack it away. If your belief system says, I'm strong and I should be able to handle all situations, when the occasion inevitably arises that you can't do these things, you think of yourself as a failure. Those feelings can only lead to deeper depression.

Can you lighten your load? Cut down on your chores, errands for others, and other stressful activities. Try to do more things that will help you relax and regroup.

And there's nothing wrong with a little couch time with a culturally competent therapist--one who understands the complexities of a black woman's life.

Our babies have enough challenges in this world, let's do our part to make sure our children are born to moms who are as happy and mentally healthy as possible.

The I.R.S Says No Tax Break For Breastfeeding Moms. Acne Sufferers Get OK.

This week, the good folks over at the Internal Revenue Service ruled that while people will be able to write off pimple creams and denture adhesives when the new tax sheltered health accounts kick in this January, women will not be able to write off the expense of breast pumps and other breastfeeding supplies.

A breast pump and various accessories can run about $500 to $1,000 for most mothers a year. Such costs, including nursing bras and other nursing friendly wear and gear are one of the many barriers for getting more women, and especially black women, to breastfeed longer.

The reason breastfeeding supplies didn't make the cut, is that the Internal Revenue Service has ruled that breast-feeding does not have enough health benefits to qualify as a form of medical care. Only as good nutrition, not as preventative care.

Seriously? I mean, aren't we past that conversation yet. And I'm sorry when did the IRS become a medical clearance board?

While breast-feeding supplies weren't allowed under the old regulations either, one major goal of the health care overhaul was to control medical costs by encouraging preventive procedures like immunizations and screenings, and what could be more preventative in infant health than breastfeeding?

Despite a growing body of research indicating that the antibodies passed from mother to child in breast milk could reduce disease among infants--including one recent study that found it could prevent the premature death of 900 babies a year--the I.R.S. has denied a request from the American Academy of Pediatrics to reclassify breast-feeding costs as a medical care expense, The New York Times reported.

I.R.S. officials say they consider breast milk a food that can promote good health, the same way that eating citrus fruit can prevent scurvy. But because the I.R.S. code considers nutrition a necessity rather than a medical condition, the agency's analysts view the cost of breast pumps, bottles and pads as no more deserving of a tax break than an orange juicer, the article continued.

I'm not even sure what to say about that.

Despite all the progress made in getting the medical field, Congress and even the First Lady to acknowledge the benefits of breastfeeding, it looks like the IRS did not get the memo. Or catch the video.

Meanwhile, a study released this year by Harvard Medical School concluded that if 90 percent of mothers followed the standard medical advice of feeding infants only breast milk for their first six months, the United States could save $13 billion a year in health care costs and prevent the premature deaths of 900 infants each year from respiratory illness and other infections.

But to continue breastfeeding beyond maternity leave requires a pump. And good breast pumps aren't cheap. Nobody is asking for a handout here, just a well deserved tax break. Like the one given to zit creams.

As with any tax code, there will always be ways to work loopholes. Some consultants say mothers may ask their pediatricians for a note that says breastfeeding is medically necessary. But to have working moms jump through even more hoops for something that should be so easy seems insane. And given that, allegedly, the whole idea of health care reform, is to make things better, the insanity of it all is just a little too much to bear.

Talking Midwives in Midtown: an Aha! Moment

Yesterday, I met an old friend for breakfast. We met at Norma's in Le Parker Meridien hotel. As we noshed on a delicious breakfast, pondered who has actually ordered the $1,000 caviar breakfast item, we had a ground shaking conversation about the role of midwives in changing the landscape for maternal health.

My fellow diner was my good friend Shirley McAlpine, a beautifully statuesque British woman. She became my friend when I lived in London and is now doing some amazing work in the U.K and U.S. about prenatal education and natural childbirth through her popular Birthwise DVD http://birthwisedvd.com/us/ and consulting work. The tagline for Birthwise is "Your Creation. Your Choice." I love that.

Shirley had just returned from the Midwives Alliance of North American conference in the Nashville, Tenn., area and she was buzzing. Her energy was infectious. And while we are both involved with maternal health issues across the board, as two black women we are also particularly concerned about the issues in our community. So the questions began to roll. Could midwives be key to helping reduce the high pre-term birth and low birth-weight baby rate that continue to plague black women of all socioeconomic levels? Could midwives help reverse the high exceptionally C-section rates among black women and reduce the shamefully rising maternal mortality rates among black women?

Shirley and I are convinced, yes. And birth center models like The Birth Place, http://thebirthplace.org an unique midwifery and women's health center in Winter Garden, Florida run by Jenni Joseph, show impressive results in reducing pre –term births.

But, why? The answer, as it unfolded before us, was in the education that midwives provide. Expecting moms who work with midwives are more informed about the birth process than women who work with doctors only. We all know that most doctors prefer that you know less, and trust them more, so that they can do what works best for them and not deal with any pesky little questions about your own life that you may have.

After all knowledge is power.

So when a woman who has had a midwife is told she needs to be induced. She knows she can ask why, if the baby's heart rate is fine and other measures she's been educated on are still ok.

When a woman whose water has broken is told that she must be induced, a woman with a midwife may have been taught that actually unless other indicators show otherwise a baby can be fine for up to 24 hours after the water breaks. It is Hollywood that has told us otherwise, and turned the water breaking into the mad dash to the hospital event that makes for great cinema but woefully misinformed moms to be.

And when a woman has a true (not Hollywood or doctor-friendly) understanding of how long the labor process can be, she won't stand for being told that a C section is necessary because it's been five hours and she hasn't dilated. She will also have been educated on the real signs of labor, so she won't go the hospital too soon where labor can be stunted by laying in a bed and you are more likely to be given unnecessary medical interventions.

These are key pieces to the puzzle. As we know, the answer is not in the prenatal care. Women are getting that. But that hasn't improved matters. The key is in the education--an education that often does not happen in its full measure at a traditional doctor's office. And that midwives can provide.

And that nuanced understanding of how black women end up on the operating table more and remain six times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complication is worth more the $1,000 caviar.

Breastfeeding On My Time

By Tangela Walker-Craft
WeNews guest blogger

I decided to breastfeed my daughter until she was 2 years old. I was the first person in my family to practice what is called extended breastfeeding since the introduction of baby formula.

I thought this was a personal decision, between me and my husband and my child, but boy was I wrong.

I taught her a few baby signs by the time she was about 9 months old, so she knew how to tell me when she wanted to be nursed. During the first year she was exclusively breastfed. By the second year she had a diet consisting of breast milk and toddler appropriate foods. During her second year, she breastfed less than the year before.

Unfortunately, unwanted and unwelcomed advice on when I should wean her came from everywhere. People that have never breastfed a day in their lives will offer their advice about when's the best time to wean YOUR baby. Even people that have never had a child will somehow know when you've breastfed long enough. Unbelievable!

If you resist their unsolicited advice, people may even switch from asking when you plan to wean to trying to scare you into weaning.

You'll likely hear, "If you don't wean her soon, you won't be able to do it." You may even get the, "She's going to start biting you when she gets teeth," threat. It's funny how most people accept that a baby will start to walk when he or she is ready, and talk when he or she is ready, but they think that there is a magic age when all babies should stop being breastfed.

Once threats don't manage to scare you into submission, the attempts to shame you into weaning may begin. You'll get the loaded, "You STILL breastfeeding that child? How old is she?"

Family members and people that feel that they can will make snide remarks about how your
child might be driving, married, or doing something else that's totally ridiculous before you wean him or her.

Things were particularly challenging because breastfeeding, especially extended breastfeeding, is not necessarily encouraged in Black families.

Like many breastfed babies, my daughter lacked the "baby bloat" that frequently occurs in formula fed babies. My well-meaning grandmother asked me dozens of times if I was sure my baby was getting enough to eat. She'd ask me, "Are you sure you're making enough milk?"

She and other members of my family refused to believe that my baby could survive on just breast milk. I was constantly guarding against my family's threats to give my daughter "real food". formula.

After breastfeeding six children of her own out of necessity, my 85-year-old grandmother seemed to view my decision to voluntarily breast feed as something out-dated or odd.

I think that moms that do not practice extended breastfeeding sometimes secretly resent moms that do. There is a competitive spirit that makes women want other women to make the same child care decisions that they've made. Women that do not, or did not practice extended breastfeeding, may feel that moms that do are judging them for their choice.

Contrary to the warnings, weaning for me was easy. Taking natural cues from my daughter during that second year, I breast fed less and less during the day time. Breastfeeding became more of a bonding and comfort activity for us at night. When I sensed that she was ready, I began telling her that mommy wouldn't have any more milk soon. My breast naturally responded by producing less milk because of the less frequent feedings.

My daughter's nursing slowed down to a few minutes only at bed time.

Over a three day period I cut the feedings down to quick bouts, which culminated in the end of what was one of the best experiences of my life. I am glad I never succumbed to the pressure to wean before we were ready, but it bothers me that such pressure exists.

Why are we so uncomfortable with extended breastfeeding?

Tanglela Walker-Craft is the creator of Go Pillow! a patented, multipurpose childcare item that allows moms hands-free breastfeeding with comfort and president of Simply Necessary Inc. After nursing her own daughter for two years, Walker-Craft, realized that there was not a product on the market that allowed mothers to have nursing privacy and cradling comfort when others were present. Existing nursing pillows were too bulky and cumbersome for travel and cover-ups on the market required too much manipulation. The GoPillow! satisfies the needs of both breast feeding and bottle feeding mothers and caregivers.


Learn more at:
http://www.simplynecessary.com/

New Study Links Race and Delayed Breast Cancer Diagnosis

It's breast cancer awareness month. And for all the much-needed talk and fundraising done to help raise awareness about this important women's issues, a new study shows a troubling link between race and breast cancer diagnosis.

African American women are more likely than white women to be diagnosed at later stages of the disease and are more likely to die from it. Researchers have long wondered why and considered lack of health insurance as a likely factor. Yet, a troubling new study says that race and/or ethnicity -- rather than insurance status – is the leading cause in these delays in breast cancer diagnosis in minority women.

Researchers at George Washington University in Washington say they were surprised to find among women with health insurance, African-American and Hispanic women experienced greater delays in diagnosing breast cancer than Caucasian women.

The number of days from abnormal screening to definitive diagnosis for those with private insurance was 15.9 days for white women, 27.1 days for black women and 51.4 days for Hispanic women.

The most staggering and disturbing disparity was among women with government insurance. In that group, delay times were 11.9 days for white, 39.4 days for black and 70.8 days for Hispanics. Among women without insurance, times were 44.5 days for white, 59.7 days for black women and 66.5 days for Hispanic women.

"We thought having health insurance would even the field among all women," researcher Heather Hoffman said in a statement. "Insured women should have had the same rapid evaluation regardless of race and ethnicity."

The study shows even further, the effects of race and ethnicity on a woman's health outcomes. And while researchers probe medical causes, there must be a deeper dive into the systemic bias and racism that exists among medical professionals and healthcare providers.

Far from a level playing field, women of color are battling against forces they can't see or control to have equitable healthcare.

So, now what?

For Our Sons Police Stops Are Part of Growing Up

Guest Blog by Dionne Grayman

My son was small for his age, having a birthday late in the year and always looked younger than he was. We all do. It's the family "curse".

When he began high school at the age of 13, I insisted upon driving him. He insisted upon taking public transportation. Living in New York City, part of the rites of passage for most of our children includes independent travel through the hundreds of miles of subway tunnels, elevated train tracks and bus routes. Daunting to tourists and suburbanites in for a show but not to the savvy city kid raised on pre-paid MetroCards and sightings of rabbit-sized rats. I won the battle the first day; he, the second. Sort of. I made him ride the bus, which was about a 90 minute ride; the train would have saved him half an hour. I gave him money to call me when he got there and he was supposed to call me when he was leaving. This was before cell phones became the mandatory kid-accessory. That would come on his third day of school, September 11, 2001.

I wanted him to ride the bus because I figured he would be safer on the bus, more protected. He had made the football team and became friends with other kids on the team who lived in our neighborhood and rode the train. Friends with names like Big Lou and Tall Mike. For a month he begged to be allowed to take the train, assured me that he would be fine, introduced me to his "bodyguards" and I relented.

And it happened, shortly after.

But we had had the conversations. I gave him pop quizzes when he came out of the shower, at dinner, in between his second and third helpings, because you never approach a hungry male asking anything-and after I had hosed him awake. And he went to private school, had his whole life. Wore a uniform which was known to every transit employee between here and there. He was articulate, bilingual, could speak "adult" as well as he spoke "teenager". He was clean cut, no earrings, no tattoos, no saggy pants, no gaudy chains. In the fall and spring, he wore the hoodie of the moment, in the winter a black Northface and black Timberlands with his oxford and khakis, just like every other young man at the all-boy school he attended-Pinero, Caluccio, Feist, Harden, Schwartz. It would be hard to tell them apart if they were all on the school steps with their faces turned away from the street parents used for pickup.

And it happened anyway.

One day, he was stopped by the police on his way home. Asked to present identification, asked where he was headed. That was the first time. The second time, he was asked for identification and frisked. Then the third time, the fourth, and the fifth. And he was patted down, had his backpack gone through, returned to him, sometimes gently, most times not.

My brother-in-law is a New York City police officer, a detective within a homicide division. New York's Finest, they're called. He gave him a courtesy card issued to officers to give to their relatives in the event they have an interaction with a fellow cop. I have used the card and received a warning instead of an expensive fine. My son has had the card thrown into his face and onto the ground. His "dealings" with the police did not end with his graduation from high school-with honors. Did not end despite his admission into nine of the ten colleges he applied to. It has not ended with his being a college senior with 3.5 GPA in a dual major. My son is no angel; he can be surly, argumentative and obstinate. He has experimented with alcohol and marijuana. He listens to rap music, I have heard him curse and I'm pretty sure he's no longer a virgin. Your typical all-American boy. Except it's only typical for African American young men and other men of color to be subjected to this kind of police treatment.

In addition to the coming-of-age conversations parents have with their children, black parents have to add the "What to Do WHEN You Are Stopped By the Police" talk to the list of ones they have with their sons. We have to, for their safety and our sanity. Because in our collective memory, there's the horrifically mutilated body of Emmet Till. There's Amadou Diallo and Sean Bell. My son's name is Sean. And every single time he's stopped, I feel I have failed him and I have failed in the God given responsibility of protecting my child.

The saddest part of all of this is he'd begun to become "immune" to being stopped. He, like too many other men of color in this city, had become desensitized to being treated criminally. They take it as par for the course; they shrug it off and most will laughingly share their war stories. But listen closely and you can hear anger comingled with humiliation and a weary, reluctant acceptance.

Not exactly the stuff that dreams are made of.

Dionne Grayman is the founder of Mothers Empowered, a coalition of mothers who are in search of their best selves and committed to the business of making this world a better place for our children. At Mothers Empowered the mission is ME! A former high school English teacher, Dionne has taught the full spectrum of New York City's children ranging from incarcerated juveniles on Riker's Island to gifted students at one of the city's most prestigious high schools. She has also served on the executive board of the Community Education Council in District 13 in Brooklyn and is the co-vice president of the PS/MS 282 PTA Executive Board. Grayman holds a bachelor's degree in English and journalism, a graduate degree in special education, and has completed CCC's Community Leadership Course. Learn more about Mothers Empowered at www.mothersempowered.org

SisterSpace: I Will Not Write a Blog for Infant Mortality Awareness Month

This is not a blog for infant mortality awareness month. Something so weighty deserves more than to be relegated to web log. I will not make any witty observations. I will not use any metaphors, similes, idioms, or analogies. There will be no alliteration or onomatopoeia used to help you get it.

There will be no opinions, only facts. The jarring sort that aren't typically welcome in a blog. This will not be entertaining. You will probably not "Like" this.

This is my virtual moment of silence for the babies who needlessly die every year. This is my silent cry in the blogosphere for greater awareness in the African American community where our babies are 2.3 more likely to die before their first birthday than in the white community. This risk exists for all black women regardless of income or education.

This is my anti-blog for the unborn who deserve to live to see their first birthday and my homage to those who didn't.

• Currently, the national infant mortality rate for Black babies is 13.7 per 1,000, compared to a rate of 5.6 per 1000 for White babies, 3.5 per 1000 for Asian babies, and 5.3 to 6 per 1000 for Latino babies.




• Black babies are four times as likely to die as infants due to complications related to low birth weight as compared to non-Hispanic white infants.




• African Americans have 2.3 times the infant mortality rate as non-Hispanic whites.




• African Americans had 1.8 times the sudden infant death syndrome mortality rate as non-Hispanic whites.




• College- and graduate-school educated black mothers have a higher infant mortality rate than white moms who didn't finish high school.




• The infant mortality rate for African American mothers with over 13 years of education was almost three times that of non-Hispanic white mothers.




• Black women who get prenatal care in the first trimester have double the infant mortality rate of white mothers with first-trimester care.




• Only 17 percent of all U.S. births were to African-American families, but 33 percent of all low-birth weight babies were African-American, according to one report.




• Black women with similar levels of prenatal care as Hispanic women (generally less educated and with lower incomes than blacks) have higher rates of low birth weight, preterm deliveries, and infant mortality.




• According to Dr. Michael Lu, assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology and public health at UCLA, researchers have found that even when they control for such varied factors as poverty, housing, employment, medical risk, abuse, social support and so on, 90 percent of the differences in birth weight between black and white moms remains unaccounted for.

"Most studies have looked at black-white differences during pregnancy, for example, differences in prenatal care utilization or maternal behavior," he says. "What we're finding is that these differences really explain very little of the disparities in birth outcomes."

Sister Space: A Mother's Tale of Survival: Part 1

A Sister's Story: Erica Simone Turnipseed was having a great pregnancy when she developed HELLP syndrome at 24 weeks. HELLP stands for Hemolysis or rupture of the red blood cells, Elevated Liver enzyme levels in the blood, and Low blood levels of Platelets. HELLP is similar to preeclampsia, toxemia and pregnancy-induced hypertension. Erica's blood pressure climbed to over 240/110, her kidneys failed, and a priest came in to absolve her of her sins. The last thing she remembered thinking as she lay on the operating table was, if I die will I go to heaven? Erica survived. Her baby, named Grace Ayodele Webb, lived a miraculous four days before she died. This is Erica's story:

"The day started normally but I didn't feel very good. But I thought it was something that I ate. I began to feel worse and I thought, something is not right. I went outside to catch a cab to the hospital but because of the rain and the heavy traffic the trip took nearly an hour. During the time in that cab, I went from discomfort to pain to continuous pain to the point where I was crying. I felt like something was really going wrong. When I finally got to the hospital there was a lot of protein in my urine and my blood pressure was rising.

The doctor said I had the symptoms of HELLP syndrome and I was given two steroid injections to help mature the baby's lungs so we can make it to twenty-seven weeks. To them twenty-seven weeks was the magic number for my baby's chance of survival.

I was in some sort of Twilight Zone. I had heard things about preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome but it was in the back of the pregnancy books and I hadn't gotten that far yet.

Things got progressively worse and during the night, the doctor came and said that they were going to have to take the baby immediately. My kidneys had shut down and my blood platelets were low.

A perinatologist came in and explained to me the prognosis for a 24-week-old fetus. There were what seemed like hundreds of people in this frenetic energy all around and you know it's all for you. A priest came in and gave me the Sacrament of the Sick, which is something they do if they think you might not make it. I realized that I was really, really ill. I sensed that at 24 weeks, they didn't expect the baby to live, but what was now clear was they weren't sure if I was going to live.

I heard them yell, "200/110."

I'm not a doctor but I know that is too high to be anybody's blood pressure. By this point I'm crying and thinking, this might be it. You get to a point where you can choose to fear death, but if it's going to come, it's going to come. A priest came and prayed over me and for me. He absolved me of my sins. And I told them that I wanted to donate my organs. When it was time for anesthesia, he told me to count to ten. I remember counting to three and that was it.

When I woke up, the first thing I heard was, "She's alive, Erica." It was my partner, Kevin. The baby had been baptized and he saw it. He said he heard her cry. She was under one pound. They wouldn't let me go see her. They said I was too ill. My pressure had gone up to 240 before they were able to stabilize me. That was very tough. How can you say that to a mother? Part of my recovery was to see her…

Read the rest of Erica's story next week in SisterSpace.

Erica Turnipseed-Webb, a graduate of Yale, is now a married mother of two other children and author of A Love Noire and Hunger, two critically acclaimed novels. She lives with her husband, Kevin Webb, in Brooklyn, New York. Her life-changing story appeared in The Mocha Manual to a Fabulous Pregnancy by Kimberly Seals Allers.

Do you have a pregnancy story you'd like to share on SisterSpace? Email me at kimberly@mochamanual.com